Helpdesk are sysadmins in training. They are forbidden any recognition and are fed, by sysadmins a diet rich in snark and sarcasm so that one day they too can stop bullets. We do this so that you may live.

From the time they could type, they were baptized in the fire of combat. Taught never to retreat,never to surrender. Taught that death in the datacenter in service to network was the greatest glory they could achieve in life. At age 17, as is customary in the industry, they were taken from their mother and plunged into a world of violence and idiocy. Manufactured by 40 years of Sysadmins to create the finest technical support the world has ever known. The helpdesk, as it’s called, forces a child to learn how to solve problems any two year old with a few brain cells should be able to solve on their own. Starves them of compainionship, forces them to provide superior customer service, and resist the urge to kill unless they are absolutely certain they can get away with it. By rod and lash they are punished for going off script, taught to show no pain when the caller makes their brain hurt, receiving no mercy or rest before the next caller.

Constantly tested, then tossed into the wild of desktop support. Left to pit their wits and will against the network’s fury of printer issues, malware, and users asking them to fix the cup holder on their PC. It is their initiation, this time in the wild. For they will either survive and excel in this test, returning to their people as a Sysadmin, or not at all.